I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
