i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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