after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
