a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
