Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
