guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
