Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
