so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
