So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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