What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize