It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
