Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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