We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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