i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
