There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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