So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just had sex on a roof
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
