do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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