he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
