This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
