I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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