Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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