So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
