did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
