Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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