I just pynch a tree in the face
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
