Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize