dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
