You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
