...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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