I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
