So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
