i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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