my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
