Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
