He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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