I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
