last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
