I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
