Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
