But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
