So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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