Say something about gay babies.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
