I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
