you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize