he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
