That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
