i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
