apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize