susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
