I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
