Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
