I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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