it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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