Just fell off a train. Bad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
