Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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