Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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