umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
