It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
