i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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