we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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