help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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