How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
