Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
