i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
