You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize