I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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