did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dicks are not precious.
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