he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
