At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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